seriously -- 37 days?

so 37 days to live until life as i know it changes FOREVER.

i see changes happening every day, something that i really don't do well with in general. bless hideyo, he's been doing most of it. first it was mucking out the junk room and selling our bistro table. and then he built the crib, good man, and reorganized the bookshelves so baby could have one of his own. and he's moving pictures around the room too. this is to say nothing of his pouring over the baby books and getting his daddynerd on.

me -- i haven't been much of a contributor at all. i've been baking my anxiety out with greater frequency, and my feet (the last bit of me that belonged to me) got fat and i found i had cankles. that's pretty much about it. i whimper a lot when baby whacks me in the ribs, and i keep hideyo up at night with all my flopping around. apart from being baby's house, i really haven't done much.

right now, in four-day cycles, i usually have 1 day where i'm excited about baby, 2 days where i forget currentlife is OVER in 37 days, and 1 where i'm outright petrified and think "really? what the hell WAS i thinking?"

i'm reasonably sure this is all normal, but all this waffling between abject terror and complete elation makes me tired and wish for a buttermilk bar. except i don't think that will help the cankles. boo.