strike three ... ?

i am feeling pretty low.

early last week, i got a skinny letter in the mail from palo alto unified.  from applying to colleges, i KNOW that ain't a good thing.   it said that they couldn't offer me a position at this time, but sure, we'll keep you on file!

strike one.

fremont union said that they'd get back to me last thursday.  i finally emailed them today, only to have them tell me "we just don't have a position for you right now, but we'll keep you posted!"

strike two.

i don't know that i minded the rejections as much as i might have before.  i mean, i wasn't totally invested in these districts, nor am i convinced that i am a good fit for cattleherding districts.  on the other hand, they represent options, which in my current horizon, is frighteningly blank, since i have no options.

and then there was this morning.  the job i want.  interview for a guidance counselor position at saratoga high school.  which, i might add, i think i royally fucked up.  first words in there were "you have 30 minutes.  we have 11 questions, so plan accordingly."  i had no time piece of any kind, so i think i talked both too fast and not enough to really justify my answers.  the interview could not have lasted for more than 15 minutes.  giant eff word.  the written portion (writing a letter of recommendation based on the student dossier provided) probably went better, but who knows how much that counts for.

could that have been strike three?  i guess i'll find out wednesday/thursday.  

and if it was strike three, now what?  where to?  corporate tooldom? waiting for something to fall out of the sky?  raging at the Lord for not being at ALL clear with  me?   all i know is right now, i feel superdown and pretty demoralized all around, even though i'm on spring break.  

if the Lord has ANYTHING at all to say to me right now, NOW would be a great time.