holy registry batman!

the school year is coming to a close. having survived "the battle at dawn v. 2.0" and another round of furious gesticulating, i have stopped sleeping entirely and instead spend countless hours thinking.

immediately: will i make it to the end of the school year? the students are getting dumber and lazier by the second. their work, what little there was of it before, has slowed to a crawl that can only be rivaled by slugs and three-toed tree sloths. they are, actually, starting to move backwards. what is it going to look like? how many kids will fail? how will that reflect on me? am i doing my job?

near immediately: summer school. i don't dread it this time like i normally would, since it is kind of a foo-foo-shi-shi feel-good summer school. but ... it will be my first time with STEP students. what kind of a master teacher will i shake out to be? is my tutelage and very limited know-how worth their $50K? it's been a long time since i taught ELD -- will i be helpful to the students? what if they find out i suck? what if i find out i suck? and God help me ... i still have to write new curriculum.

high summer: balls-out wedding season this year. how will we manage? like ash ketchum -- can we catch them all? i don't think i can manage the 12-15 weddings we have in 2006. i just don't think so. does not showing up make me a bad friend? does not showing up and not sending a gift qualify me as a wedding pooper-scooper? or do i just need to stick it to the proverbial man and fight my guilt-ridden chinese heritage?

hitched: i blinked and then we were married for five months. which is a drop in the bucket, but five months! that's like almost six months, which is almost a year, which is almost fifty. i sound like jessica simpson. but five months -- it's so great to be together. honey has been so good to me, coming to school with me for countless days ... constant hugs and kisses as i continue in my cry-three-times-a-day-binge ... sigh. thanks honey.

future: am i going to be a better wife? can i keep teaching? will my body stop falling apart? will i ever stop crying? will i actually develop an inner devotional life where spending time with the Lord is meaningful and sweet? that keeps on going? am i going to figure out how to navigate my relationship with my mom? am i going to be a good friend? am i going to "make" it? and what the hell does that mean anyway?