a season for everything

so i've started the same discipleship journal bible reading plan that heeday and phattacus started a while back. it's good to have some discipline in my life, and plus, it's a nice thing, reading the Lord's word. on top of this, it helps me to feel connected on some level with my team, because at least we're doing one thing together while we're apart. i'm not sure that that made any sense, but anyway.

one of the passages from yesterday's reading was the beginning part of ecclesiastes 3 -- the whole bit about a season for everything. and i queried the Lord: what season am i in? i'm engaged, so it's clearly not a season to mourn, but nor do i feel like this is a season of celebration for me either. don't get me wrong -- i'm very excited about being married, but this engagement season for me has been a mixed bag at best. i didn't know that i'd perpetually be a basket case, freaking out about small things and ignoring big things. i didn't know i'd feel so needy. i didn't know that it would feel so lonely or so isolating. i didn't know i'd feel so alone. Lord, what kind of a season is this?

this is not a plea for sympathy. i'm just trying to get a handle on my life and figure out what the hell is going on.

please be patient with me.