am i a weird bride?

as sort of the first girl in the next onslaught of weddings, i find myself wondering more and more if i'm just an unconventional bride-to-be or if i am straight on WEIRD.

i'm reading other brides' xangas and hearing about what other brides-to-be i know are doing ... and i just can't help wondering if i'm strange. women who are over the moon and giddy and incredibly well-organized, with binders and journals and scrapbooks of their favorite things from bridal magazines. i looked at a set of magazines once (that i inherited from a colleague) and then i gave them to olivia, still unused.

i know brides-to-be who have hunted up potential florists and make up artists and photographers and keep it all organized according to price, and i so haven't done that. i have my bz, who procured a photographer, and my mother, who calls hair places for me.

other brides know what kinds of flowers they want, how they want them arranged, in particular kinds of ribbon. i told our florist to go ahead and pick whatever she wanted, provided that they were available and NOT wrapped in tulle.

other brides visit lots of bridal boutiques and try on dozens of gowns and get these fabulous deals on stunning designer dresses. i closed my eyes and picked one from david's bridal because i didn't want to think about it any more.

other brides think about shoes, and want them to be beautiful, trendy but comfortable. i went to nordstrom rack with my baby brother and picked out a scuffed pair of cream-colored flats. and that was that. i didn't bother looking any more.

other brides have visions of what they want their bridal party to look like -- certain kinds of materials, colors and styles. i told my women -- "do whatever the hell you want. just look hot." (and oh, they will.)

other brides spend a lot of time thinking about creative favors. my future mother-in-law made a suggestion and an offer, and that was that.

other brides know what kind of music they want and what kind of programs they want. i'm counting on p. mike and hanah to work ... their ... magic for me, because i'm not sure i have the wherewithal to figure stuff like that out.

other brides know what they want their hair to look like, what kinds of veils and hair ornaments and tiaras they might want to wear. i threw a tantrum about the veil and tiara (as in, HELLS NO) and am praying fervently that the hair lady (whoever she might be) will be a creative genius and save me from myself and my penchant for janky big prom hair.

other brides seem to be enjoying their engagements immensely -- and of that, i am envious. maybe it's totally wrong, but it just seems like other people are floating on little happy clouds through this time, and i just cross my fingers and hope i won't cry more than 3 times this week and upset hideyo an equal number of times. this whole engagement season has been difficult and bumpy, and i think heeday and i both will heave a sigh of relief when we don't have to be engaged any more. (disclaimer: this isn't to say that there aren't enjoyable points, namely registering for nifty gadgets and our premarital counseling ... but these are few and far between.) as far as i'm concerned, engagement has been pretty bitching, and not in a pleasant way.

the one thing i will say that perhaps saves me from being a total alien, is that like all the other brides i know, i am head over heels about my guy and i can't wait to be married to him. and i think that hopefully offsets all the other icky wedding things that have me wondering about myself. maybe i'm just disorganized and don't care about details or just am not an event-y person. i don't know. should i care?

everything just seems to surreal to me. maybe i am just a weird bride.