teaching victories

there are a very few select times when i remember why i wanted to get into this sometimes-forsaken-by-God profession. though this week was incredibly hard (the kind where you want to puke your guts out at the end) there were some small victories worth recording and remembering when i want to quit teaching forever.

1. family reading night
though i seldom want to do a damn thing for honors students on account of their uppity and oft-heinous i'm-smarter-than-you-dumbass behavior, this was a really good event. kids have to read one outside reading book during the semester. at the end of the semester (namely now), they gather with all the honors kids from all three houses and do a reading club discussion led by a parent. though it was a little confusing at first, the discussions were wonderful. they (mostly) read, they came, they had really insightful conversations. the parents felt like geniuses, the principal was THE happiest clam, and the sophomore humanities teachers not only earned themselves kudos, but probably also some grace for future teaching mishaps. yup -- namely me.

2. laying down the law
we've been having monstrous troubles this week with our house. in part, i'd say that at least half the women (teachers included) are freaking pms-ing, thus exacerbating the problem. but when some bastard tags "bitch" on meghan's wall in food coloring, wrecks all the molecular structure modeling kits when she's gone, steals all of kristin's sodas, rips an ear off kristin's teddy bear, spills honey all over kristin's floor, and steals her play-doh to chuck around the room (all when she's gone), it's time to lay out the BIG B. we came up with a disciplinary policy (namely hella long detentions and a shouting match with schlaak, our administrator) and presented it yesterday. hooooo man, it was tough. kids were outraged. it's funny, with kids. they get so entitled and "it's not fair! you only punish us! we never have any say! blah blah blah" and i think to myself how it's school, for crying out loud. let's be honest. a democracy, it ain't. but we all gave "the talk" and i willed myself not to shout, or to cry, or to go into cardiac arrest with one more "this school is f-ing (fill in the blank) here." i think one of the reasons why the kids actually wound up giving me a better time with "the talk" than the other three teachers is because i realize that i have to own a part in this too. it's not just the kids that have been wretched or hateful. i have been too. and since negativity perpetuates more negativity, i've been very much part and parcel in creating a poisonous and unsafe learning environment. so i had to say sorry. which pretty much takes the wind out of the kids' sails.

case in point: kristin and i compiled a list of the all the kids that have been sucking wind on our research project, facetiously dubbed "the loser list." the outrage of the kids when someone stole that list off my desk and passed it around was palpable and immediate. it was awful, the shouting at me. and while i do think to some extent that there are truly some deadbeat losers in our house, it was a seriously poor decision on our part to use that kind of language. i had to say sorry. ask for forgiveness. and surprisingly, there was a lot of grace from the kids to let that go. (of course, this is with them not realizing that calling me or any of my colleagues a bitch to our face is also warranting an apology. clearly, this road goes not both ways.)

3. small boxes
this is mighty going on forever, but it was a really REALLY long day yesterday. since we've been studying the holocaust, i have them do this activity called small boxes. on the outside, you use words and pictures describing how people see you. on the inside, you use words and pictures describing how you see yourself and then they write a reflection on the disconnect between the two. coming hot off the heels of "the talk" it was a really really really really positive way to get kids to see that i meant business about being kind to each other and how i could be kind to them as well. kids shared their boxes and all the assholes (only two) who were rude (comments like "well, you are stupid" or "you are gay") got bounced from class, and it made a really really safe place for kids to be honest, if even for a fleeting moment.

case in point: we have a house misfit of sorts. the nerdy kid, with this glasses and matted hair and smells bad, who is both looking for acceptance while being antagonistic and pursuing bizarre behaviors in class? well, he walked into class being adamant about not sharing his box, which was fine. but because the class -- MY PSYCHO FOURTH PERIOD, NO LESS -- was a safe place for the first time, he showed his cah-jones and shared his box with the entire class. that was so so so brave of him. he talked about how others perceive him to be less than a person, a shadow really, and how people judge him for how he is, and how they don't really know how much he wants to have friends, and be accepted ... i almost started to cry. it was an incredibly brave thing to do. and even though he talked past the bell, not a kid moved. no shuffling to pack up or anything ... their eyes were all wide and they were totally seeing him for the first time. i asked for kids to give some positive comments, and they really lifted him up and encouraged him. and it was the first time i ever saw any kind of compassion from that class. it was incredible. incredible. it gave me hope that that particular class was turning a corner (hopefully) and that they do have it in them to show love and compassion. i was starting to worry.

who knows what this coming week is going to be like? it's going to be crazy, that's for sure, being the week before christmas, but hopefully this marks the start of a new kind of class culture. one in which we can all be kind and one that is safe for my kids.