chinese people really suck.
and marina is home of the devil.

ordinarily, i would avoid that awful market at all costs. there is something very problematic for me when no one who works there actually speaks english, but only mandarin or spanish. this is america, isn't it?

so i go there this morning ... taking some very huge risks, mind you, since it is saturday. but i was hungry, and some gnarly chinese takeout sounded good. this place is a ZOO. a zoo i tell you! all these angry, jaded chinese people scowling and pushing their pickle and pig feet-laden carts like furies. like furies! so i run to the takeout line, and it is madness. there are people everywhere, and there is shouting and yelling, and i'm starting to feel faint.

and so then i try to figure out what i want to eat ... but note, since this is apparently NOT america, there are NO MENUS OR SIGNS IN ENGLISH. i have no clue what is what or how much it costs. just lots of screaming and shouting people ... so i start to check out the displays. i make a spot decision about what i want to eat, since i'm starting to feel a little claustrophobic, but now i can't figure out where the line starts and ends since there seems to be multiple lines going on at once. i get in what i think is the end of the line ... since there is a gap. and then ...

the lady behind me stops jabbering and turns to look at me. now, i've heard eyes described in many ways before. in romance novels, eyes are often smouldering or flashing like fire or what have you. in this case ... a few choice phrases for this chinese/taiwanese mom's eyes:

1. staring daggers
2. boring holes into the back of my head
3. if looks could kill ...
4. barely unrestrained fury
5. look of death

just to get you warmed up.

she says to me, very meanly: "are you in line?"

to which i reply, "uhhh, yes. yes i am."

she starts to scowl and her eyes narrow with anger. "did you cut the line?"

my heart rate starts to rise. like when i take my kids camping. and i'm like "uhhh, i don't think so. doesn't the line start here?"

and the hell breaks loose! the thunder, the lightening! the abject fury of a mother cut! how dare i! in front of her!

"the LINE starts back THERE. you CUT the line. but it's OKAY." (how freaking magnanimous.) "next time, PAY ATTENTION."

at this point, i'm ready to start crying. all i wanted was a bun! i did not need to be yelled at on a saturday morning in a crowded, shouting, stinking morass of crazy chinese people! the line was interminable. all i wanted was to get away from the mean lady behind me in line. and i finally get my food (which i have to point and hem and haw for, since i don't speak mandarin.)

and then i hightail it the hell out of there.

the moral of the story: BE WARNED. NEVER GO TO A CHINESE SUPERMARKET. THEY ARE A CRAZED, DERANGED BUNCH WITH NO SENSE OF HUMOUR. my people are no fun. fun-free. and they don't speak english.

as rosalie mullins (joan cusack) says on school of rock ...
"they will descend on you like a NUCLEAR BOHHHMB!"

steer clear.