alinna -- [uh-lee-nuh] -- proper noun. a glutton for punishment.

okay, can i just say what gets my heart rate faster than doing real exercise? giving a gift to the one woman who really can't stand me at school. like she really really hates me and looks at me as though i were completely incompetent. we'll call her "blah" for short. so while she has probably caused me enough mental anguish in this joint so as to warrant suing for piles of money, in my heart of hearts, i still want to believe that i can get her to stop hating me before the year is out. despite my many pokings in the love languages, i have to say ... i have not found hers and i might be fighting a seriously losing battle.

so anyways, we're reading "the sword in the stone" right now and i found this old (1931! -- to me, that's practically an antique) book which has these great color plates and a translation of the fun parts from sir thomas malory's "la morte d'arthur." i think i'm brilliant and pick it up for her ... thinking that it will make a difference. so i wrapped it all nicely and everything and i was just going to take the coward's way out and sneak it in her bag so i could avoid talking to her at all.

dude, i should have been a coward.

my heart was beating so fast -- it felt like college, when i would try to get up enough guts to speak up in discussion. it was an arduously planned affair every time -- timing is everything! so i gathered every bit of courage that i had, and gave it to her and told her that i found this book that might be an additional resource for her ... she didn't even bat an eyelash. with an "oh ... okay" and an off-hand thanks, i survive the encounter, none the worse for wear (than wear? i never know how to use catch phrases) and just a bit more battered. sigh.

she is so difficult to love to me.

on the other hand, i'm still standing, and i have to hope that He will work in her as well. plus, once i'm out of here (2 months exactly and counting, baby!) ... maybe jaz will come take my place and do a much better job of showing "blah" and others here the love of Christ that i'm not sure i've done a very good job of. (ew, ending with a preposition.) anyways, that's that. another day in the land of cock roaches. at least i have cello lessons today!